Geek Confessional: My Third (and final) Screenplay

The last two times I’ve been in the Confessional, I’ve talked about my short-lived career as a screenplay writer. The first was a cult thriller about clones. My second was a sci-fi/romance mash-up. So what did I do for my third (and most likely final) screenplay?

Straight romantic comedy.

Didn't think I"d get to pull this one out again so soon.

Didn’t think I”d get to pull this one out again so soon.

Entitled Dream Lover, I thought I had struck gold with this one.

So what was the story? Well, there was this guy who was stuck in the Friend Zone with a friend of his. He was desperately in love with her, but she was wrapped up in a relationship with a total loser. You know, like usual. He’s so upset by it, he stops by a bar and unloads on the bartender.

The next day, he goes to an engagement party for his other best friend, and he winds up sitting by himself with an empty chair next to him. Only suddenly, the chair isn’t empty anymore. Instead, there is a vivacious, beautiful woman sitting next to him. She’s not only acting like she’s his girlfriend, everyone else thinks she is too. And our poor hero has no idea what’s going on. He can’t remember her, doesn’t have a clue where she might have come from or why she’s so head-over-heels for him. But eventually, he just decides to go for it.

But then his best friend, the one he was so crazy about? Yeah, she breaks up with her boyfriend and goes to him for comfort and the two of them wind up kissing. He feels horrible, but his amazing girlfriend reveals something unusual: she’s been sent to him to get him “ready” for his best friend. Now that they’re together, she’s supposed to bow out. Only she’s not going to. He’s special and she really does love him. So she’s not going anywhere. This results in a war between the perfect girlfriend and the best friend for our hero’s affections.

The “war” comes to a head at the other best friend’s wedding. Eventually, our hero realizes that the one he really loves is his best friend and, in that moment, the perfect girlfriend disappears. No one can remember her except for our hero. The only thing remaining of her is a matchbook from the bar. Our hero goes back to the bar and confronts the bartender, who declares that he could be God or Cupid or Fate or whatever. Then I basically bashed the audience over the head with my premise, that love doesn’t always develop the way you see in the movies. Sometimes it hits you like a freight train. Sometimes it builds slowly. But it’s always good.

Oh, and here’s the really hit-the-nail-on-the-head part: the perfect girlfriend’s name was Angelique. Gee, I wonder what she was supposed to be?

Here’s the wacky thing: I still remember where this idea came from. Part of it was from a story a friend told me in high school. She claims that a friend of a friend had something similar happen to him (a mystery girlfriend who suddenly disappeared without a trace, who the friend’s friend thought was really an angel). The other component? I went to an engagement party as a single guy with a friend of mine who was taken. I didn’t have a crush on her, but I wound up seated at a table with an empty chair next to me. Don’t worry, an angel didn’t appear next to me, but I had to wonder, what if that had happened?

Now (un)fortunately, I don’t have this script either. No idea where it went. That’s probably for the best, all things considered. After working on this for a while, I realized that I have no idea how to write a romantic comedy. It wasn’t all that romantic, nor was it all that funny. What’s more, after writing this one, I realized that I had no idea how to submit my scripts anywhere. Besides, I also realized that I enjoyed writing books more. So that was the end of my screenplay writing career.

Well, I suppose I should never say never. If some Hollywood company wants to adapt one of my books into a movie (ahem, hint hint), I’d be more than happy to take a crack at it again. But for now, this is the end of the line for me and Hollywood, I guess. Ah, well.

Leave a Reply